Thursday, September 8, 2011

Unplanned Life

at the new placement...

I don't know how to explain the journey of my life.. I do make plans (dreams) and I don't follow all the plans. I can say that this journey base on the chances.. I know it's a "bad" life management.

So far I don't want to complain of things... I do disappoint sometimes for I can't fulfill my dreams just because i kept changing my plans, but the bigger plan is to live the life, to do more for others and if the chance brought me to something different.. so be it!

Now, I am in Mae Sot -instead of being somewhere in Africa-, a small town in the border of Thailand and Burma(Myanmar) working as campaign and advocacy adviser, a field that new for me. Helping this small NGO fighting for their rights to live and to love their own motherland. I can't imagine if I am one of them... living in fear of loving their own land. I feel ashamed for they are my brothers and sisters, we are in the same region, ASEAN region, we share the land, we share the look, we share the history, we share the culture and religion and they need more helps from the people surround them. At least I am here with them now, sharing the laugh and the tears... convince them that we still have hopes and they are not alone.

The chance that brought me here is the chance that comes with a higher priority.

So I am doing good things still, I am helping people still, I am sharing my chances still.. so the bigger plan is never change.. still.

If I have to change my plans and the chance of life make me stay [here].. so be it!

God, give me your mercy!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Chameleon Who Owns the Dragon

In the laundry room.
a Thai man next to me : ซักรีดให้คุณมากเกินไป
me [confused] : Kho tot, mai khon Thai, Khrab, mai puud pasa Thai (sorry I am not Thai, I don't speak Thai language)
the man : O.. where are you from?
me : Indonesia
the man : ooo Indonesia.. Bali! I like Pacman! [while doing a boxing move]
me : Oo Pacman is from the Philippine!
the man : Yes, Pacman!! Indonesia good [doing a boxing move again]
me : Chai chai (yes, yes) [whatever]

In the office event.
an American man next to me : So what is your ethnicity?
me : I am sorry, I am from Indonesia.
the man : oo sorry, but you look like a Burmese
me : Yes, you are not the first one who think that! [well.. we are Asian people looks like Asian anyway]

In the club.
an English guy : Where are you come from, man?
me : Ooo I am from Indonesia!
the guy : Ooo Mabuhay my friend!
me : Mabuhay! [whatever]

Somewhere in the market.
a friend (who knows me more than 2 months already) : Freddy, you are from Malaysia, right?
me : NO! I am from Indonesia!
the friend : oo yaa.. why I always think that you are from Malaysia? that's weird.
me : so weird!

I am not complaining about those events... annoyed me but it's so alright! :) apparently Indonesia is not really a famous country and I am all good with that! No big deal.

I fell more like a chameleon now... as I can melt and be physically 'local', especially among Thai or Burmese community. But I am still Indonesian inside out, I am proud to say that I come from a country which has the only dragons (Komodo) in the world!

Yeah, now I feel like a chameleon who owns the dragons!! if you know what I mean... :)

How sweet thou art!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A Lady from Thailand

I met her today...

She told me the stories of her life. Her English is perfect but she kept telling me that her English is still bad.

She is a single mother with 2 kids, none of the kids stay with her, It doesn't mean she doesn't love the kids, She said it's difficult to have kids when you are not married. She gave the daughter to her sister and let her son lives with his father.

She told me how hard life was for an 8 years old girl losing her mother and have to live poorly with her dad and 2 brothers. She must struggle to breath and to feed themselves. She felt so grateful that her 2 brothers now can support themselves. "Life was hard and that's why people see me so tough and stiff, well.. I am, but most of the time I felt so lonely."

She told me how it is so easy for her to get any good looking Farang (Westerner) she want, and yes I believe her, as she is so pretty and have a very fluent English... She used to date a rich and young Australian for 2,5 years but she said she felt insecure by being over protected, over jealous by her Australian boyfriend, that's why she broke up with him.

She told me that there are so many people try to get close to her, but "I am not young anymore!", she said and she explained that she needs security, she needs a future... and I totally understand that. The way she explained was so elegant and open.

She is a single mother with 2 kids added with a very harsh experience of life from childhood. I was nodding and smiling, holding myself not to judge her... and who am I judging her, anyway?

She is now in relationship with a good friend of me, A very good hearted old man from the west. She said she needs more than 10 months to know someone and love someone... at least 2 years...I was laughing and exhaling..... [Laughing??? - Yes, totally I don't know why I was laughing and Exhaling??? - honestly, I don't know either how to react. Yes, I am stupid!)

Before I said goodbye I told her that she must be more open and try to move on... our show must go on and if we stay the same.. we will left behind. I don't know if my words will make any difference.

I have a very bad stereotype when seeing a young Thai woman walking with old Farang. God forgive me... I was totally wrong to her.

*While writing.. a song played

"Don't Let Me Go" - by Click Five

I can see your shadow lying in the moonlight
I can hear your heartbeat playing on my right side
Every night I long for this, makin' up what I miss
I can hear you breathing letting out a sad sigh

You tried so hard to hide your scars, Always on your guard
Don't, dont let me go, Don't make me hold on when you're not
Don't, dont turn away What can I say so you wont
No dont, dont let me go...

I can see the skyline fading in the distance, Tears are coming down
I'm trying just to make sense,I don't listen to the radio just the engine and the road
I wonder if my words are makin' any difference

I dream and then it seem to end but always come again

Don't, don't let me go, Don't make me hold on when you're not
Don't, don't turn away, What can I say so you wont
No dont, dont let me go...

I'm comin' down to where you're standing
I need you now or you'll be watching me hit the ground with crashing in....

Don't let me go...

Monday, May 30, 2011

Do I lost my silliness?

I have a facebook note series.. I call it "Silly Me". I wrote about all actual silly situations happened. Everyone who knows me, love the notes, I love them more as I get to know myself better. Yes, I do silly things, so what?

Some friends asked me to update the series.... but I found it difficult... my life is getting serious recently and I don't do silly things again. Really??

Well, I never plan to do some silly stuffs.. I am not a jackass. It just happened. Normal! I believe everyone did some silly stuffs too, sometimes they just don't want to admit it.

OK, I guess I should stop living a serious life and have more fun...... Wait a second, something wrong here... I have fun life recently.... so much fun!!

Hmm now I know, It's wrong formula!! I think I should make it the other way around. I should stop having so much fun and live more serious, then silly things happen!

That's right! :D

Friday, May 27, 2011

The Rebel

She was crying... the first time I saw her crying! She used to be a sweet, energetic girl.. well she still is, just not this time.

I told her that she did the right thing, sometimes it's important to stand for our own sake. Nothing is wrong to speak out. She said she is not a rebel. she never did. I tried to convince her again that this is about the time then... Life is about ups and downs.. to know how to go up people need to go down and sometimes we have to struggle to reach the other peak.

Look at Marthin Luther, Nelson Mandela, Aung San Syu Kii?? They are all the rebels for a good cause. Do and stand up for the right and the righteousness.

I let her cry... Crying is good for the soul, especially when you laugh so much already...

Thursday, May 26, 2011

a Boy from Burma

I met this boy... name is not important, as everyone from Burma who works outside their country, they require to have more than 1 name.

He was 8 years old when his house burnt by the military. It was a war... He still remember the image of him in his mother's back running away from the battlefield to the forest, he remember the voice of cry of his older sister.

He is a victim of a war he don't understand.

He told me that he had to live in the jungle for years "I live like Tarzan!" everything was different but he is still grateful that all his family members are still alive, not like the other family who lost, at least one member of the family.

He joined the army, just because he wanted to fight for his people. I asked whether he joined the army because he want to make a revenge, He said "No need a revenge, they're suffered already by what they did. I believe in Karma". He joined the army because he had to do something.

He is now just a regular man with an extraordinary background of life. He knows what he is doing now and he tries to build up his dreams. He said he made so many mistakes and he is trying to fix it (amazing, that I hear it from a 23 years old young man).

He is my best friend now. Not because It's cool to be friended to someone who can tell you a different story of life, but It's because I need someone to tap my head hard and lower my pride and being more grateful of what I am now.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

My cup of tea

I thought I sacrifice enough... but this world wants more...

I need something to hold on to, and God is the nearest and the easiest grabbed!

I lost some of my energy for useless things, need to collect myself and come back to the right track!

I laugh more and cry less... that's not a balance!!

I am not trying to make a better world here, I am just trying to make my world better.

When you can't even explain your existence, why now we are busy asking the existence of God??

My gout is gone but the pain inside my feet is still there... that's my alarm.

Do I need a wife? No! I just need a family!

Some of my smiles hide my feeling, but I think I still want to do it.

I don't really need a mirror, I am happy with my look.

I am old and I am not complaining about it.

I don't need coffee to make me stay awake, all I need is a homesick and thirsty of my best friend's love!